


forgive my sins, partner of my soul

by Sage (the_ruined_earth_sagelord)



Series: Haikyuu!! One Shots [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: KageHina - Freeform, M/M, angsty boys making up, haikyuu!! - Freeform, typical car accident trope yikes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 08:19:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5121419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_ruined_earth_sagelord/pseuds/Sage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i just watched episode 5 with the kagehina fight... this was supposed to help me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p>
            </blockquote>





	forgive my sins, partner of my soul

     Kageyama slams open the door to his room, ignoring the calls of his family as they are woken by his late arrival. He doesn't care. He doesn't respond. He stalks over to his bed, tearing his clothes off and throwing them into a crumpled heap in the corner of his room. He is fuming, his muscles on fire, his face hot and flushed. He wants to run, to hit something, to burn of this incredible, restless energy. He looms over his bed, glaring down at it as if the icy fire in his eyes might freeze over the sheets.

      _Damn that Hinata..._

     Why couldn't that fiery tempered boy see what was happening? He was acting selfishly, on his own impulses, and as a result he was bumping into people mid air, throwing off the dynamic of the entire team, putting everyone on edge.

      ** _"Your selfishness is going to destroy the team's balance!"_**

     Those golden eyes staring back at him, refusing to back down. That determined, stubborn mouth slant, a grimace that said  _I don't care. I need to be stronger._ _  
_

     How could Hinata not care about the team's balance?

     About his balance with Kageyama?

      ** _".....Match my tosses if you want to win!....."_**

     For a moment, Kageyama is in junior high again, surrounded by his teammates, all turning their backs, a great divide between them.

    **"..... _We're not following you any more......"_**

Kageyama's hands fist into his shorts, gripping the fabric. He wants to tear someones limb from limb, and it's not necessarily Hinata.

      **_"I want to be strong enough to compete by myself, Kageyama!_ " **

     And that's it. That's what Kageyama recognizes. He's seen this behavior before. He  _knows_ what comes next. The team will leave Hinata behind because he wants to become strong on his own, because he wants to do everything himself. But...that's not what a team is. Kageyama knows that now! He...he knows that now. _  
_

     Kageyama doesn't even realize there are tears on his face until he hears his phone buzz on the ground. He looks up, startled, quickly rubbing his eyes and fishing through his clothes for the buzzing phone. He finds it and pulls the bright screen to his red, puffy eyes in the dark of his room, squinting at the name.

     Tanaka.

     He was probably going to chew Kageyama out for the fight earlier. Tanaka had been the one who'd broken him and Hinata apart before any more fists could fly. Kageyama grits his teeth, knowing this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

     "Tanaka-senpai," he says as soon he opens the phone, "I'm not sorry for my behavior earlier. Hinata needs to realize-"

     " _Kageyama,"_ Tanaka interrupts. His voice isn't angry, or even annoyed. It's something else. Something Kageyama has barely ever heard in the older boy's voice.

     He sounds sad.

     "Tanaka-senpai?" Kageyama asks. "What's wrong?"

     The second Tanaka speaks, the phone slips though Kageyama's fingers, the world slips out from under his feet, the anger slips from his body, and he is slipping to the ground, his fist bitten between his teeth to stop himself from crying out, fingers jammed into his mouth so he doesn't scream. This is wrong. This isn't right. This couldn't have happened. Not this.

     He grasps for the phone, dimly hearing Tanaka calling his name on the other line. "Where are you?" he whispers hoarsely.

     " _We're all at the gym right now. We're going over together. You need to meet us there, Kageyama. We're not sure how long-"_

     The line is already cut off. Kageyama is already scrambling for his clothes, leaping down the stairs to the front of his house. Jamming shoes on his feet. His parents went back to sleep after they'd heard him upstairs, so he would have to take his bike. That was fine, as long as he could get there. As long as he could see-

     No, don't think about it. Focus. Get there in time.

     Kageyama tears out of his driveway on his bicycle, the tires slick against the wet pavement after the short spring shower. He pedals like an Olympic champion, his legs screaming for him to slow down, but he doesn't listen, doesn't care.

     He has to get there in time.

 

 

     The team is all there by the time Kageyama arrives, sprinting through the clean white-washed halls. The smell of antiseptic and doctors' cold hands washes everything in a sterile glow, and it makes Kageyama sick, sick to his stomach that he has to be in a place like this. He practically screams at the poor nurses, begging to know where everyone is, and they patiently point him down the hall, warning him to be quiet, because he's still sleeping, because he's just come from the ER, because he's too small, too weak to have any stress on him right now. Kageyama hears none of this, already whipping through the hall.

     He stops dead when he sees his team.

     They are gathered around the window, peering anxiously into the room. Most of them are still wearing the clothes they'd had on in the bus. Suga and Daichi make continuous sweeps of the group, making sure everyone is still awake. But no one is drifting, no one is dozing off. It's almost 1 am, and they're all exhausted from their trip back from Tokyo, and they all wish they could sleep, but none of them dare move. None of them even think to sit down. They just stare into the little room, eyes gray and blank, as if the sunlight can't even reach them now.

     They split as Kageyama approaches so he can see into the room, and he sees why the sunlight has vanished.

     He's there, in the bed. IV tubes connected to him from all parts of his body. The dreadful  _blip_ of the heart rate monitor. The cold, calculated whirr of machines. It's so unnatural, so dizzying to see him connected to all these machines, when he isn't supposed to be tied down to anything so manmade. He is too wild, full of too much  _movement_. Yet there he is, trapped by wires and straps and computers.

      _Hinata_.

     Kageyama approaches the viewing window, placing his fingers on it. His breath fogs on the cold glass, his eyes drink in the scene inside the room, and he wish they would vomit it back up, because this is  _wrong, wrong, he's not supposed to look like this, he's supposed to be flying._

     Kageyama feels a hand on his shoulder. Heavy. His coach, Ukai-san, who can't say anything. He can only hold Kageyama's shoulder and hope the boy understands what he's feeling.

     "How did it happen?"

     The team bristles, as one. Kageyama's voice is so dark, so  _angry_ , they all step away from him, and for a moment they all remember who this boy is, this tyrant not just of the court but of the world, whose presence can switch from reserved and calm to a whirlpool of dark fury in an instant.

     "Yachi is the one who saw it happen," Suga finally says. "She said Hinata was walking her to her stop, and just before her bus arrived she...heard the crash. She's in another room right now, with Kiyoko. She's pretty shaken up," he adds softly.

     "The driver was drunk too," Tanaka adds in a low growl. "And of course he walked away perfectly fine. But Hinata was just on his bike, he didn't-"

     Kageyama's fingers tighten into a fist on the glass and he slams it against the window with a roar, making everyone jump. "Kageyama," Daichi reprimands sternly, but he freezes when he sees Kageyama turn to him, the cold stare, the eyes of icy fire.

     And the tears streaming down his face.

     "This isn't fair," Kageyama whispers. "It's not fair.  _It's not fair_."

     Daichi wants to say something, anything to comfort him, but he knows it would be useless. Because he agrees. The captain falls silent, shaking his head sadly.

     After a while, the others move into the waiting room. They all agree to stay until they hear what Hinata's condition will be. The nurses tell them it's still touch and go, but he should pull through fine. Which of course isn't enough for the Karasuno team. Until they hear definitely one way or the other, they will remain.

     Kageyama doesn't go with them. He sits on the floor, slumped against the wall opposite Hinata's room. He stares into the window, not taking his eyes off the small figure inside. He doesn't even react to the nurses when the try to get him to move to the waiting room, and it takes some persuasion from Coach Ukai to get them to leave Kageyama alone. He simply continues to stare.

     At some point during the night, Daichi and Suga make calls to everyone's parents, letting them know where their kids were and why they were out so late, as well as what Hinata's situation was. Hinata's parents had arrived a long time ago, just after Kageyama got there. They sat out in the waiting room with the team, Hinata's father holding his trembling wife while he and Ukai talked in low voices together. Hinata's little sister Natsu plays with Asahi and Nishinoya, who try to distract the little girl from what is happening around her.

     When the ball of bright orange hair shifts, Kageyama's already at the window, pushing the door open gently. He slides into the room, wondering if he should alert someone that Hinata had moved.

     He stares at the small boy, his expression dark. He doesn't know if he can  _will_ Hinata to be better, but he scrunches his face in concentration, as if he could. _  
_

     "Ugly face you got there...."

     Kageyama's breath catches in his throat.

     Hinata stares at him from under his orange locks, matted and sweaty, stuck to his face. His golden eyes are softer, weaker than just a few hours prior, when they'd been boring angry holes into Kageyama's skull.

     Kageyama shuffles forward carefully, his fingers playing with the hem of his jacket. Damn his stupid hands. He doesn't know what to do with them, even though they know what they want to do all on their own. They want to reach out and touch Hinata's head, his face, his arms, his small fluttering chest. He wants to make sure the other boy is okay. He had been so sure, so sure that if he lost Hinata...

     He wouldn't play volleyball ever again.

     "Stupid idiot," Kageyama finally says through his clenched teeth, and he swears, his tears stinging hot against his cheeks.

     Hinata cracks a smile. "Technically, I was just riding my bike. I don't think I was the stupid one, it was whoever was driving."

     "You're the reason I can still play volleyball, idiot," Kageyama blurts out angrily, his eyes still misty and painful. Hinata's smile fades, and he stares up at Kageyama, a question on his lips.

     "You stupid, stupid idiot," Kageyama says again. "What would I have done if- How would I- _You_   _idiot, what if I had lost you?!_ "

     Hinata's eyes soften. "Kageyama," he whispers.

     Kageyama wipes his eyes furiously, breathing deeply. "You saved me from own selfishness, dumbass," he murmurs. "You showed me how this game is supposed to be played. You showed me that together, we're invincible." Kageyama feels a thrill through his spine when he says  _we_. "The team needs you, Hinata," he says. "Without you, Daichi-san wouldn't have allowed me into the club. Either of us. We need each other. So you can't go doing something stupid like this. You can't go getting hurt on us, not when I need you!" His eyes widen, and he hopes Hinata doesn't realize what he'd said.

     Hinata stares out the window. Kageyama wishes he could know what the other boy is thinking.

     "A high, high wall is always standing in front of me, Kageyama," he whispers suddenly. "But when I'm with you, I can look over that wall. I can tear it down." Kageyama freezes. There is a look in Hinata's eyes as he stares out the window, as if he's gazing at something only he can see, a view from the top only he can ever reach. Kageyama feels a chill creep into him, and for a second it's as if the hospital room is gone, and it's only the two of them, at the top of a mountain, looking down at all of the world, the wind flying through their bodies and their blood, and they are invincible together.

     "I was pretty selfish back there," Hinata says, bringing Kageyama gently back down to earth. "But I want to be strong enough to compete on my own, Kageyama. I don't want to have to rely on anyone."

     "Dumbass," Kageyama mutters. "There's nothing wrong with relying on your teammates. _You_ showed me that. That's why we stand with you, on the same side of the net. You're already strong, Hinata. You'll get stronger. But you can't shove the rest of us out of the way, or you'll end up alone! And then who will help you see the other side of that wall?" Kageyama grits his teeth. "You can't push us away. You can't push  _me_ away."

     Hinata finally turns to him, and his eyes are a golden reflection of Kageyama's dark, deep anger, that fire hidden beneath the ice. For a moment, Kageyama is breathless.

     "I know that now," Hinata murmurs. "I'm sorry, Kageyama. I'm..." His eyes water up. "I'm so sorry."

     Kageyama sits on the bed next to Hinata's small frame, his hand tentatively reaching out. He pushes the matted orange hair out of Hinata's eyes. "I am too," he says softly. "I shouldn't have been so harsh. I understand why you want to get stronger. I do too. But we're still a team. Hinata, you're..." He chews his bottom lip, hesitating. He looks away, his ears burning and his face flushed. "You're my partner, dumbass," he says quietly. "So don't ever get hurt like this again. Alright?"

     Hinata's eyes widen, and of course Kageyama couldn't have known what Hinata had said to Yachi just a few hours earlier, but there he is, repeating the very words Hinata had spoken, just before he'd gotten hit.

     "Kageyama," Hinata says gently, and Kageyama looks up, and all the worry and stress and fear and anger in his expression blows Hinata away, because this boy who always clamps up his emotions truly only reveals himself to Hinata, and Hinata is in awe of how  _much_ Kageyama could feel. "Kageyama," he breathes again. "I'm sorry. Will you ever forgive me?"

     Kageyama pauses. Yes, this is the first time Hinata's ever asked for forgiveness after they'd fought. This was their first true argument that hadn't been over something petty. This had been damaging. Raw. And here was Hinata, understanding that even before Kageyama did. And he was asking for forgiveness.

     "Of course I forgive you, dumbass," Kageyama sighs, and he reaches out to ruffle Hinata's hair, but the other boy catches it with a gentle squeeze. Kageyama hesitates, wondering what Hinata's doing and  _why is he staring at him with such intensity?_

     "Kageyama," Hinata says in a low voice. "For the record, I don't know what I would do too, if anything happened to you. You said I'm the reason you can play volleyball with the club, but really, you're the reason  _I_ can play. It's with your amazing toss I can even stand on the court." He stares into Kageyama's eyes. "I promise, I'll never doubt your toss again."

     Kageyama runs his tongue quickly over his lips, nods briefly. Hinata's grip is very warm on Kageyama's arm, and he notices that Hinata is slowly, steadily, pulling it closer to him. Kageyama lets it happen, until Hinata has Kageyama's arm wrapped around his thin shoulders, and Kageyama finds himself curled around Hinata's small body, a tiny furnace against Kageyama's legs and torso.

     "Eh...Hinata?"

     "I don't want to ever lose you, Kageyama," Hinata says seriously. He huddles in close to Kageyama. "You're my partner too. I swear, I'll never doubt our strength. Together. Together we're invincible. Together, we can see over the other side."

     Again, Kageyama is on the top of that mountain, Hinata by his side, their eyes like fire and ice, beholding the world below them. And it's all Kageyama wants, more than he could ever dream. And he knows that Hinata is thinking the same things, seeing the same view. His golden eyes peer into Kageyama's dark ones, and what they see there makes their amber fire soften a little, smile, and close contentedly. With Kageyama, Hinata is invincible. With Kageyama, he is safe.

     The nurses come by some time later, as does the team. They find the two curled into each other, asleep and warm. They hold each other's hands, fingers clasped loose and comfortable over the blanket. They don't wake up, don't let go, even when the nurses come in and check Hinata's vitals. They simply sleep and forgive, safe in each other's arms.

 

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> ayyy you're typical A gets in a car accident and B feels all kinds of stuff but hey I love nothing more than causing my faves and myself pain so badda bing badda boom fuggedabout it you know? lmao ihatemyselfthishurtsomuch


End file.
